You Did This To Me
by SnowyWings
Summary: Instead of instantly forgiving Edward and the hole disapearing I felt that Edward should see what he had done to Bella when he left, the full effect. This is Edward finding out how much pain he caused Bella in the long months he was gone.
1. Chapter 1

"Unless, I'm too late." His black eyes showed a single flash of the deep sadness it appeared he felt. This was wrong Edward didn't love me anymore. Edward had left me. He didn't want this, us. He wanted his vampire distractions alone, he wanted life without me. After months of these excruciating thoughts saturating my heart body and soul. It would be hard to believe it wasn't true.

Me and Edward walked by the river to his house in the moonlight, it was as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't broke my heart into a thousand tiny pieces and scattered them everywhere he went, everywhere he went without me. As if he hadn't shattered my soul and left in forks on the very edge of suicide and madness. "Bella, when I left you-" that's right he left. He ran away and didn't look back, not even bothering to check I had committed suicide, the thought behind many of my steps these past long, lonely months. How could he do this to someone he loved?

Edward could tell I was a thousand miles away, his cool hand let go of mine and cupped my chin and directed my average human face, towards his beautiful, glorious immortal face, demanding my attention. "Bella" he began again "when I left" that was all it took. When he spoke those words, his marble hands hadn't been touching me and without the contact, my charade began to fall apart. Painful memories ripped through me "I don't want you to come Bella" the terrible lonely feelings. The rejection, the pain, everything came tumbling down on me, refusing to be ignored or pushed aside any longer. The hole in my chest burned, searing revenge ripping me apart, screaming to be noticed, refusing to acknowledge that he was back, without his touch for one minute the hole had burst back into life.

I gasped, trying desperately to get one last mouthful of air before my lungs disappeared. He turned to look at me, panic and despair tainting his perfect features. I would have fallen flat on my back, if he hadn't have caught me. His cold arms held me tightly, but I was to far gone now, he would have to wait for this anguish I was drowning in to dull before I could hear his explanation. If he would stay, I looked pathetic, weak and human-all the reasons he left. I wouldn't blame him for leaving me now. My weak legs couldn't support me, my delicate frame couldn't hold me, I went limp in his arms the only part of me that could move was my arms. Wrapped around my torso, desperately trying to hold myself together.

"Bella? Bella!" his perfect voice appeared far away from me now, he felt far away from me. "Carlise! Help, it's Bella there's something wrong" his voice didn't raise above normal volume, but was filled with pain and desperation, we were far away from the house, the urgency in his voice must have alerted all of them. Carlise soon joined us, as I gasped for air and jerked in Edwards arms trying to dilute the pain. Edward gently took my arms from around my torso and inspected for any physical damage that could have provoked me to suddenly begin writhing in pain on the floor. The pain was in my chest, in my heart, my long dormant empty shell of a heart. He had caused it, he had created this.

"What happened?" Carlisle's calm voice helped me as I slowly woke up, and the pain ebbed away and my ragged breathing started to calm. "We were just talking, then she fell, and she couldn't breath. And there's something wrong with her chest" Edward's words were rushed and panicky.

Edwards touch helped me recover in record time. "I'm fine" I murmured, they both looked at me with worried eyes. A wave of calm washed through me and filled my every pore, "Jasper" I mumbled knowingly realising why it had been stopped so early why the hole didn't rip me apart.

They were all there, staring at me, Alice, Jasper, Emmet, Rosalie And Esme. Looking worried and confused, they looked even more breathtakingly beautiful in the moonlight. People taking my breath away was not a good idea now. I jumped out of Edwards arms, looking down to my feet embarrassed at my episode. No one should have to see that, "I'm sorry, it happens sometimes. A lot actually, but I'm fine really."

"What happened to you?" Edward looked at me pain highlighting his face, I reached out my hand to smooth out the worry lines on the cool plains of his face. "I will explain everything to you" and I was going to, the whole truth, the voices, the hole. I would tell him how much he had hurt me, to try and prevent him ever doing it again. I would not survive a second time, I was a stronger person now, but I was not that strong.


	2. Chapter 2

"Alone. . ." I muttered, looking towards Edwards face. It would be hard enough to bare my soul to him on our own, never mind in front of an audience.

Carlise quickly checked my ribs, Edward thought this was the source of my pain, if only, if it was a broken rib it would have healed and I could have forgotten all about it soon enough. It would have been easy to forget these last few months, pretend they never happened, pretend he had never left me. For it to become a taboo subject, never to be mentioned. For me to entirely surround myself with him and let myself fall even deeper into love with Edward. To make the hold he had over me even greater.

But he had left, and it had hurt more than he could ever know, was I still the same Bella?

I knew I could love him again, I still loved him now. I had never stopped loving him, I only stopped acknowledging it because it hurt to much. I couldn't even let myself be angry with the situation, it had hurt to much even for that. Anger was a passionate emotion, and I had been drained of all passion.

"Jasper, Alice. . ." Edward snapped, clearly exasperated with them still being with us. Alice hugged me tightly, and lingered with me in her arms, she let me go but held onto my hand.

She knew, she had known from the moment I decided to tell him. I looked to Edward, expecting him to know it all now, so I wouldn't have to tell him after all, out loud anyway. Edward's eyes were fixed on Jaspers face, no doubt reading what he had seen in my emotions, when it had been happening. So he hadn't seen, I would have to explain. I hadn't looked at Jasper since my ill fated birthday last year, Jasper looked as if he was going to be sick. "I don't know if that's a good idea" Jasper looked at me, his golden eyes filled with concern "what if it happens again?"

"You're right, stay. I don't want that happening again" Edward looked at me trying to work out what was wrong. Jasper had felt what I had been feeling when I had my episode. Poor Jasper. "No, leave don't worry I'll be fine, I've got it under control" Jasper looked towards me doubtfully.

"I don't know-" Alice's face went blank.

"She'll be fine Jazz, come on" and with that Alice took Jaspers hand and ran with him into the house.

I took Edwards cool hand in my own and led him down to the river bank, I let go, testing my self. My chest was fine, for now. I sat down cross legged upon the cool grass and he joined me.

"Edward, when you left" I started knowing this would hurt him, but I had to hurt him to make him stay. "I have never felt so lost in my life, I've never been so alone and so without purpose. If you hadn't have made me promise not to-" I edited, not wanting to remember the painful conversation. "I would have definitely killed myself within the first week, it was only the fact that you didn't want me that made me carry on. It would have been no good to kill myself, a relief yes but constructive no, because you wouldn't have even cared anyway. You let me think that."

I quickly looked at his face, I was doing it right. "In the first week, I didn't eat, didn't drink, didn't sleep . I have been a mess without you Edward Cullen, no, I haven't been human without you. And what now you're back? Are you done with your distractions now? You have hurt me in so many ways, more ways than I thought humanly possible. Everyday has been an uphill struggle, every part of me has been screaming for oblivion, anything to end the pain" I raised my voice, anger spilling into it mixing with my words, tainting them.

"And for what? For my own good? Who are you to decide what is and isn't good enough for me? You left me Edward, you left me here alone, alone to rot in Forks, you showed me love and then took it away like it never existed! You took my things, my reminders, you took my future, my life my soul.

"You took away my reason for living, the core of my existence, you left me. I have been surrounded by people and yet I have never felt so entirely alone in my life. I wanted to die, you made me want to kill myself because the pain was so unbearable." I shuddered to think of it

"Laurent. Laurent tried to kill me" a growl escaped his perfect lips.

"And you weren't here, I could have died, I would have died thinking you never even loved me, and yet just before his teeth sank into my neck, all I could think about was you, and how I still loved you. After all you had put me through. Then the voice, in my head" I took another look up at him. He was definitely scared now, of what he had created, what he had left to grow in his absence. "What voices Bella?" he shook my shoulders gently and looked me in the eyes, I stared back into his deep black eyes. "Not voices. Voice. Your voice"

He was scared before, but he was horrified now "What-" he began, I cut him off before he wrote me off as crazy and left this lost cause forever.

"I'm broken Edward. You broke me. I loved you with all my heart, you were like the cement that held my bricks together and then you took it away, and I crumbled without you, there was no point in me existing. You ripped the matt from under my feet.

"Here's the consequences, can you still love me now that I'm broken? Commit yourself to ever shattered piece of my fragile heart? It's been with you this whole time, I thought it was lost forever. Doomed to never love again, but now you've returned, I can feel it again, beating away in my chest, as if you never left" Anger rushed though my veins, too long had I been empty of any emotion-aside from pain, but that didn't count, and now it overwhelmed me, saturating my thoughts and voice.

" I hate you. I hate you for what you did to me. Are you happy now? Now you look at what you have created, what you have done to me? I hope you are, I hope you're ecstatic, job well done Edward. Is this what you wanted to break me so you could come back and pick up the pieces? Why don't you slit my wrists now?" I offered him my porcelain wrists, he placed his hand into mine.

"Don't touch me! Don't you dare touch me. You did this to me, don't feel sorry for me. You are the only one who can fix me. I love you."

That's when I broke down and the tears began to soak my face. "I loved you and you ruined me, you betrayed me. You spoke to the words that cancelled out all the love you ever portrayed to me, I thought it was all a lie. I was a lie. Will you ever hurt me like that again? I can not live through that. Please don't ask me to, I'd rather you killed me now. A thousand stabbing knives would hurt less. I will keep no forced promises Edward, the pain would have to be stopped, regardless of the consequences"

At first my tears were silent and some what dignified streaking my face, then I started to sob, it was just like that first time I had cried after he left. I raised my knees up to my chest and hid my face in them.

My sobs unbelievably loud, with strange noises echoing from my lungs and throat, my face distorting in pain, grief rippling through me. What had I become? Trying to hurt Edward, I loved Edward I wanted-no needed him to stay. My breathing grew ragged and I shook in pain as I let out a moan that morphed into a plea for help.


End file.
